Today is brought to you by the letter “I” and I choose for it to stand for “INSOMNIA” as part of the A to Z Blogging Challenge.
My theme for this Challenge is depression and anxiety and all that goes with it.
Everyone now and again loses sleep, it’s a fact of life. Insomnia is different. Insomnia is a persistent disorder that can make it hard to fall asleep, hard to stay asleep or both, even though you have the opportunity. My insomnia comes and goes, varying according to my depressive episodes. Most of the time it’s that giant “hamster wheel” in my head churning all night, that keeps me from slumber. Sometimes my brain might be quiet but I am just so antsy, writhing around uncomfortably in bed while my partner tries to sleep beside me. At those times, I’ve learned it’s best to just get up and leave the bedroom for both our sakes.
When my insomnia gets bad, I start noticing subtle hints that I am being effected during the day. I will get spaced out and feel very lethargic. I will also start eating more, especially carbs and junk food which amplifies the problem. I used to take Trazadone at bedtime, now it is Seroquel (quetiapine). Lately I’ve being doubling my dose in an attempt to tame the “hamster wheel” but after I manage to fall asleep, I awake in a pool of sweat at 2:30 AM, unable to sleep again for hours.
I know why my insomnia has reared it’s ugly head recently. It’s because my parents are returning from their Winter home down south and I haven’t seen them in a few months. It’s always awkward around them because they want to talk about my depression and anxiety, but don’t know how to act or what to say. They usually just ask my partner how I am doing, in fear of setting me off or something. They have no clue! They also ask really dumb questions and I try to be patient but it’s maddening. Maybe they should read some of my blog posts? What do you think, should I share a few blog posts with them?