Today is brought to you by the letter “J” and I choose for it to stand for “JUDGEMENT” as part of the A to Z Blogging Challenge.
My theme for this Challenge is depression and anxiety and all that goes with it.
I used to judge people all the time, mostly subconsciously at first. I can think back in time, to all the instances where I have passed false or inappropriate judgement onto someone else. I feel guilty of passing judgement so quickly and readily but I feel it is human nature. It might not be one of the prettier sides of human nature but it is there none the less.
Dealing with my depression and anxiety, I have learned over the years that the only person I should reserve judgement for is myself. This is not healthy either but at least I have more compassion for others this way. I am my own worse critic so I can be brutal on myself at times. I constantly worry about things like whether or not my friends and neighbours know I am off work on short term disability. Do they know I have a mental illness (or two)? What would they think about me as a person if they found out? They respect and like me, would that change?
I worry so much about the judgement I would face, that I keep my depression and anxiety a secret from the world. I figure if I could judge someone unfairly then why wouldn’t someone judge me? It’s a fair question and I don’t think I am being hard on myself, I just understand human nature and it can be ugly at times. Mental illness is a topic rife for judgement whether that’s right or wrong. In fact, it’s so prevalent that it has us mental illness sufferers hiding in the dark, suffering alone many times for fear of driving friends away.
I need to work on my self judgement, that is one of the reasons I started this blog. By slowly unmasking more and more of who I am through my writing, I hope to improve my self confidence and stop the negative self judgement.