Today is brought to you by the letter “V” and I choose for it to stand for “VULNERABLE” as part of the A to Z Blogging Challenge.
My theme for this Challenge is depression and anxiety and all that goes with it.
Synonyms: Helpless, defenseless, powerless, impotent, susceptible.
Dealing with mental illness, I have often felt vulnerable. I am vulnerable because my coping skills are gone. What would normally be considered a minor nuisance, becomes a whole “big thing” because I feel so overwhelmed. I am vulnerable to freaking out over the smallest of reasons as well as hair trigger anger/irritability issues. These are new for me and I think it is really just from feeling so frustrated lately with my depression and anxiety.
My partner realized that I had a set back this week (in trying to get a referral to another psychiatrist who isn’t a quack.) Because my coping skills are gone, she knows that small chores like phone calls or shopping are tough for me right now, she has stepped up and done all these things for me. I feel the guilt creeping in but I know she loves me and doesn’t mind. She realizes that I might start crying in public at any time so she makes sure when we do go out, I have my sunglasses. She understands that I am constantly walking on eggshells, always feeling vulnerable to attack from unknown sources.
I have also been feeling rather vulnerable lately because I have been confiding in my one friend who knows about my depression and anxiety. It is scary being honest with another person about how I have been suicidal lately. I am so worried she will freak out and not be able to handle it. Of course, she has not given me this idea at all, I am just ruminating bad thoughts all the time. I am vulnerable to that.