Today I had another CBT session. I had to tell my therapist that a small comment she had made last time, helped send me into another short but dark depressive episode. She said in the last session, “I am not really sure what it is I can do to help you.” This might sound simple but to someone with anxiety, it destroys you. She was telling me that I can’t be helped and I felt utterly hopeless.
After she had said that, I totally blanked and can’t remember about 10 minutes past that point so I don’t know what she said immediately afterwards. Still, I panicked and thought oh shit, I’ve stumped a medical expert!
She didn’t even remember saying that anyway as it turns out. I’m just so sensitive, always have been. A friend of mine recently joked about something to me. She was only teasing me but I took what she had said literally and this also contributed to my sudden mood shift from anxious to depressive. I was in bed for a few days crying and wanting to self harm like I had done in the past. I resisted the urge, even though the self hatred and anger was welling up inside me. I wanted to lash out. I took a Clonazapam and journaled my mood as part of my CBT homework instead.
I feel much better now that some issues (my feelings) were resolved and even have some new homework. A book on CBT: