Therapy

Therapy

Today is brought to you by the letter “T” and I choose for it to stand for “THERAPY” as part of the A to Z Blogging Challenge. My theme for this Challenge is depression and anxiety and all that goes with it.

I attend therapy (if that’s what you want to call it), once a week for 20 minutes.  Hardly seems like enough time for anything therapeutic if you ask me.  I have been trying to get a referral to a new psychiatrist but nobody will accept me because I already have a psychiatrist. (the Quack I wrote about a few days ago)

I had my hopes up earlier in the week when my GP’s office called me with a referral to another psychiatrist.  I called and they never called back.  A nurse from the GP’s office called again this morning to say the new psychiatrist wouldn’t call me back because they wouldn’t be accepting me as a patient due to the fact they don’t offer “second opinions.”  That really bothered me and I keep thinking to myself, “do I have to hurt myself in order to get help?”  This upsets me to think like this and I have been crying on and off all day today, unable to control my emotions. My partner came home from work to be with me.  She didn’t have to but I appreciated it.  To stop the crying, I took a Clonazepam and waited for it to make me drowsy.  I laid down and cried myself to sleep.

This is why I need therapy.  I think I need a psychiatrist who will work with CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) or something.  I’m not really sure what CBT actually is but I heard it might help.  I also think I need a psychologist but those are not covered by insurance.   All I know is I am very frustrated and need some sort of effective therapy, not the type I am getting now.

I have an appointment with my Quack this morning and my partner is going with me to lay down the law.  I don’t have the nerve to do it so my partner will be the “bad guy”.  I need to fire my psychiatrist first, so I can get another one which means I will be without my prescriptions and insurance paperwork for awhile.  This is not acceptable and brings me back to where I am thinking I need to hurt myself in order to get the help I am looking for.  Frustrating.

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Neglect

Neglect

Today is brought to you by the letter “N” and I choose for it to stand for “NEGLECT” as part of the A to Z Blogging Challenge.

My theme for this Challenge is depression and anxiety and all that goes with it.

Have you ever felt neglected, while dealing with mental illness?  I think we all have to some extent.  Either you can’t afford or can’t find the help you need?  You are certainly not alone.  Some sobering facts on mental illness from the Canadian Mental Health Association:

  • Mental illness indirectly affects all Canadians at some time through a family member, friend or colleague.
  • 20% of Canadians will personally experience a mental illness in their lifetime.
  • Mental illness affects people of all ages, educational and income levels, and cultures.
  • Approximately 8% of adults will experience major depression at some time in their lives.
  • About 1% of Canadians will experience bipolar disorder (or “manic depression”).

I think the reason a lot of people dealing with mental illness feel alone in their plight is because a lot of the time, mental health issues go unreported.  These are the neglected people and they are everywhere.  There are a lot of people out there who don’t want to seek help with their depression or anxiety because they are embarrassed or think there is no help.  They fall through the cracks and go unreported.   Sometimes, it gets worse and is reported as mental illness in hindsight, after a suicide.

When you neglect to help yourself, it is hard for others to see you as in need of help.  This just spirals out of control and you end up feeling helpless and broken.

There are lots of resources out there, ones you don’t know about yet so if you are struggling with depression and anxiety like I am, you need to know I have been recently helped by previously unknown (to myself) resources.  A few weeks ago I had a real mental health crisis.  I wanted to die and was fixated on it.  I couldn’t get in out my head.  My doctor set me up with one of her clinic’s mental health nurses for counseling and it September 18, 2013is much better than my psychiatrist.

I am guilty of neglect myself.  I feel I really need the help of a psychologist but I don’t have the money for one.  In Canada, psychiatry is free but not a psychologist.  I am covered with my work insurance but it will only get me about two sessions worth so I will forgo that option for now.  I feel I have enough doctors’ appointments scheduled already.

As I am writing this, I see over on Yahoo News, there is a new headline:

Homaro Cantu Dead: Famed Chef Dies at 38 of Apparent Suicide

Did not know the man, don’t know his story but it seems to me it is one of neglect.

Got a Speeding Ticket Today

Got a speeding ticket today, was deserved but let me back the day up some!

My partner took today off so she could go to my psychiatrist appointment with me for support.  I needed a strong voice in my corner to express my frustration of not being able to “fix” my anxiety and now, my deepening depression because of it.  I have been slipping deeper into a depression again because of my hopelessness I feel in dealing with my anxiety.  The frustration I am having with my psychiatrist at the moment in making matters much worse.  I feel he is not helping me in the least and I have been waiting for a referral to a psychologist for quite some time.  My insurance is on my case, wanting to know what’s taking so long.  Every time they call, I just get all stressed all over again.  I just want to tell them, “Hey, I’ll call YOU when I start to feel better, how’s that?”

My psychiatrist told me the doctor he was trying to refer me to, isn’t taking anyone who deals with insurance because it requires too much of her time.  WOW!  So I guess I must wait even longer now.  I ended up seeing my GP last week in the throes of my Cymbalta withdrawal problems and because I was very worried about my frame of mind (enough said of that).  She set up a counseling session with a nurse next Monday to talk so at lease I have THAT.  My psychiatrist of course upped my Zoloft another 25 mg even though I am soaking the bed in sweat every night because of the low dose I am on now.

Very distracted, driving home, crying a bit, cop standing on side of road with a radar gun.  He got me going rather fast in a 50 kph zone so I was clearly in the wrong and I admit that.  I roll down the window and start crying again and the cop asks if everything is ok.  I reply that I’ve just come from my doctor’s office and am upset.  My partner chimes in that I suffer from depression and I’ve been having a rough time of late. He said he would be very fair and he was.  He reduced the ticket as low as possible and no demerit points.

My partner had to drive home because I was a mess.  I have no coping skills, seems they are broken and I am feeling like I am constantly walking around on egg shells. I almost feel like I am having a hard time looking after myself in a few ways.